To my Aunt Carol

To my Aunt Carol

You weren't with us for very long and you were sick for a very long time, so this is almost bitter sweet

Tonight we sat in your house and although you haven't lived there for 11 years, it most definitely had your stylish stamp all over it

As I sat I remember how me Ben and Dan used to torture you running in and out of the house looking for juice or biscuits or even chocolate biscuits because you were the only auntie who gave us them.

I remember how you had these ceramic ornaments of a man and a woman and how I always used to make them dance and get married and you said that's what married people did they danced because they were happy.

I remember how you came to our house every Sunday night with out fail and you always brought us sweeties sometimes even two packs of sweets.

You tucked us into bed and read us a bed time story from time to time.
You always looked amazing, wearing the latest style and making all your sisters jealous
You had the biggest, most beautiful smile
You always smelt amazing, it was the best thing about hugs goodnight.

Then, when I was too young to fully understand, you weren't really my auntie Carol anymore
You were sick
You didn't have your gorgeous clothes or your amazing smell
Your big beautiful smile wasn't there anymore
& I couldn't play with your ornaments anymore because now you lived in hospital

Tomorrow is your funeral & it will be a very hard day for all those who knew you, especially Mum & the rest of your sisters but I know they will do you proud, they have you looking your best and will celebrating all you blessed them with.

Although you were sick for half my life, you will always be my Aunt Carol who came on a Sunday night and gave us hugs and kisses

I will miss you lots

Love

Kirsty  

Desert Soul

I have been captivated by Ezekiel 37 this weekend

It hasn't left my thoughts, head or heart

Because, really with out God all we are in dry bones in a desolate valley

But God because of his grace can make us whole 

so we are not mere bones in a valley 

We... Are ... More

"All that I am is dry bones
Without You Lord, a desert soul
I am broken but running
Towards You God, You make me whole"

                                             Rend Collective

David showed me this video earlier this week and I just love it 
It brings Ezekiel 37 to LIFE

Dry Bones from danDifelice on Vimeo.

Daily bread

There is nothing more restoring, refreshing or enjoyable than spending time reading the word of God.

I could spend my day taking photos, chatting with friends, listening to music or watching tv but non would fill me the same way that spending an hour or half hour in my bible.

It really is our daily bread, so why do we spend so much time starving ourselves and or snacking on junk food that only fills our appetite for shorts periods of time? I know I am often guilty of this myself but when I spend regular time reading my bible or even just in the presence of God I feel full. I question why I avoid spending time with the God who has given everything for me.

Tonight I read in Judges how Israel disobeyed God and broke the covenant he had made with them. This lead to Israel leaving God and remaining in their stubborn ways and practices. God removed his hand and left Israel and left them open to their enemies.
This may sound pretty pointless and you may even see why God removes himself from the situation but like the loving father he is God sends judges to save his people from this who wish to plunder them.

I know God is not just about Love but he is LOVE and forgiveness and faithfulness and we are only gonna know this by spending time with him and making him our daily bread

How come

How come you don't drink?

Why do you never come out clubbing?

You don't sleep with your girlfriend/boyfriend! Why?

. . . . . . Because I'm a Christian 

            WRONG!!!

These things do not make us Christians, they are simply choices we made when we came face to face with God's Grace.

Is it any wonder our non Christian friends have no idea what it is to follow God or who God is!

Ive noticed (and I'm guilty of it too) that we tell our friends the reason that we don't do stuff is because we are Christians but this is a lie. We don't do stuff because we choose too, WE Choose.

That's why we have left soo many different views of God on the world. 

We all have a personal relationships with God and because of the impact he has and continues to have on our hearts and our head we each live life differently.

For some he calls them not to drink 

For others he calls to a life of singleness

But one thing that is TRUE is that God came gave his son to the earth that is filled with sin, that he would die to save us from the righteous wrath of God but more than that he would rise, defeat death, so that we could have relationship with him!  

When it comes to following Christ, accepting God's gift of grace WE have no say. there was no choice or decision to be made. 

When you come face to face with something so beautifully intoxicating you can't say No

There is not even the option of choosing because you know that this is what life is about .

So lets be honest lets not tell people about our choices because most of the time they end up being wrong

BUT 

lets start to tell the truth that we have met a beautiful saviour who flipped everything upside down and gave us the greatest gift of all and because of this we cant help but do thing his way because our way, really, is just plain boring

Life is more than getting wasted, having sex and being cool.

Its......

Well I'm pretty sure he's show exactly what your life is all about no need for me to say another word

LIFE

So I'm driving along tonight ......

then the thought came to me that if God so willed my car could flip, crash and that could be the end of me, quite a morbid thought but an interesting one.

You see when I am driving I feel so in control, like nothing or no one or any great force could impact me because I've got the wheel I know the next couple of moves. I control where I go, what speed I go at and what time I go. 

I look around & I see all the other people in their own little cars feeling exactly the same way I do.

I see pedestrians walking along and they look so weak, like they could be broken by the slightest force but me in my car I am invincible.... or so I think.

I take a drive through town and all of my memories come flooding back to me but in my car I am alone and there are no memories its just me and my car going from place to place and it doesn't seem as exciting.

Then I drive along the coast and before I realise it I've stopped 

I see the sea and the lights reflecting of the water

its dark 

It feels a bit scary but something urges me to get out of my own little box 

and so I do 

STRAIGHT away the I feel the crisp air

the darkness around me is cold but is feeels amazing 

Fresh, Vibrant, New yet so familiar

I feel the light breeze move through my hair 

I have forgotten what it feels like to have something move me other than i myself

I hear the water and I have an urge just to go and touch it 

Then I realise that life is so much better when we get out of our boxes and FEEL

When we get out and do life with people 

When we are not in control 

We get walk, run , jump, dance, move.

We feel cold air, we get warm and feel the sun on out skin

We sing.... badly, we hug, we kiss 

WE Love 

This is LIFE IN THE FULL 

so get out of your box start walking it may make you weaker but life will be uncontrollable 

John 1:16

And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace 

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly

.

Family....

Oh my I haven't written a post in very long time but I guess that is Okies as I didn't really have anything to share

Over the last month, even the last few weeks, something has been made so clear to me. Something I was getting so wrong and I thank God that he doesn't just leave me to continue to get it wrong, instead he shows me in the most loving way that I am wrong and that this is really how it is meant to look like, act like or be like.

For the last nine months I have went to my church looking at its faults and problem and since the church is the people of God I've been looking at how we as people mess up. I’ve been looking at how my pastors lead our church, how the women of church do like a good little gossip and how the men are quite happy to sit and let the ladies lead. How maybe the teaching didn't quite fill me or how it all seemed a bit fake.(including myself)

So I started reading acts looking at what church was about, how I as a 20 something single girl can serve my church, love my church and most of all find out what church is REALLY about.

For many months I felt frustrated with church and reluctant to go. I was reading my bible and not really being able to put the pieces together, how did church look so different now than in the days of ACTs?
Even when the church in Acts fails and starts to fall apart and not function as it once did it still looked very different to the experience of church I was having.

So I continue to look at my church not with the judgemental eyes and hardened heart I had a few months before. This time I could see that everything was in place for my church to function like the church in acts except my church just had it in many different programs

We have shorts for the children in nursery to learn all about God
Which followed in to factory?
Then youth
Then core
Then women together, sates, full house, creative house
And finally for the older members of our church we had RAF (retired and free)
We also ran alpha courses, membership classes, new convert classes and even house groups
So really there is SOMETHING for EVERYONE

Despite all this I still felt hungry for more, even though I was serving in different areas and part of a house group I still wanted more from church I wanted it to be more than a list of option, more than a Sunday gig. So I carried on still unsure of what to make of my journey and still unsatisfied with church.

So its August and a lot is about to change in my life My best friends were getting married and moving to Cardiff, my house group was ending after four amazing years, my oldest friend Judith was moving to New Zealand for a Year, my good friend Sophie found out she was going to China for four months and many other friends where getting married or going back to uni
And for the first time in a very long time it was clear that things were changing and God was moving.
My core group of friends had been halved in a few weeks leaving only a few of us behind.
David my boyfriend (who is just great by the way) was very excited by this, for the new opportunities and plan that God had for us here in Bangor. I on the other hand was nervous scared and not really coping very well with the idea of having to grow up.

It was in this time that God softened my hardened heart and showed me the meaning of the church.
You see with all these people leaving church became alive again; people cared and showed their love for the people that were leaving. They prayed and offered support and this wasn’t down to the many programs this was the love and joy and peace and passion that god had given these people coming out and showing itself!

While reading acts I had forgotten what it was about ACTING OUT, showing the people round you the love and joy and kindness and mercy that God has shown you and this is church!
In Acts church was the place where people came back to after they were out on mission. They shared and built up and encouraged one another, they kept each other accountable and didn’t let people go it alone they went side by side supporting the widows and families not because they had to but because the love and mercy God had shown them was contagious they could not do it if they tried.
And when people seen this they wanted to know why and when they found out about God they wanted to know more about God.

Since this little revelation God has challenged me every time I am in church to make it personal realise that these people are my family and I not only have tell them I love them but I have to show them. So that means praying for the people beside even after they have gone up for prayer, eating together, encouraging the people around me who are serving, giving people a bit more of my time but most importantly getting intimate with God everyday because that is the only way I can show true love to these people to my church.

My God's not dead he is ALIVE so my church shall be ALIVE and that means I have to be DEAD to religion and alive for God, Alive and active in my church not Fake or pretending but real searching for truth and living each day for God, getting out of my comfort zone and into the God- zone which is never comfortable or easy but its where I would rather be.


Very excited about my FAMILY OF GOD
And I do love them very much
I pray God would continue to show me more about church and what it meant to look like
Oh and please pray for my firends mention who are continuing on their God Adventure else where int he world 

We are family joined together by the most precious & pure blood of all
no one can separate us from this love

Gossip

Once again I have found myself stuck in the dramatic and unnecessary circle of gossip
It seems that we cant just let stuff go
or talk to people anymore
we no longer search for truth
but instead we believe the what ever anyone has to say to us that is bad or deconstructive

The thing that really upsets me about Gossip is that it is so common among church.
In olden days they used to paint pictures on the walls to remind church goers about everyday sin we find ourselves in
one of those picture were of two people leaned in listening and sharing gossip with the devil rested on their shoulder.
So this is obviously not a new thing that people would gossip
but after so many years you think that someone would pass on
through the generations about the effect it has on people.
Gossip hurts people and ruins their lives by turning people against them or ending friendships
but the sad thing is most of the time it is not true.

I was searching through my bible looking to see what God has to say on this
and there are so many verses abut gossiping and its effects
God has alot to say on this
But one I love is found in proverbs 26 vs 20

When you run out of wood, the fire goes out; 
When the gossip ends, the quarrel dies down.

I love this because it describes gossip as fuel to a fire
Fires are passionate but they destroy things
friendships....
families.....
& even church!

After another week of gossip that I somehow got thrown into
I'm ready to tell people how pointless it all is
Lets not forget to pray about these things
Lets not forget to come to God with everything in prayer especially gossip
Lets not forget to love each other I mean really love each other
&
Let us not forget to worship God instead of worshipping ourselves

Because when we look at him and spend time with him alll the big important things in life instead look quite small next to the almighty God

Praise God!!