To my Aunt Carol

To my Aunt Carol

You weren't with us for very long and you were sick for a very long time, so this is almost bitter sweet

Tonight we sat in your house and although you haven't lived there for 11 years, it most definitely had your stylish stamp all over it

As I sat I remember how me Ben and Dan used to torture you running in and out of the house looking for juice or biscuits or even chocolate biscuits because you were the only auntie who gave us them.

I remember how you had these ceramic ornaments of a man and a woman and how I always used to make them dance and get married and you said that's what married people did they danced because they were happy.

I remember how you came to our house every Sunday night with out fail and you always brought us sweeties sometimes even two packs of sweets.

You tucked us into bed and read us a bed time story from time to time.
You always looked amazing, wearing the latest style and making all your sisters jealous
You had the biggest, most beautiful smile
You always smelt amazing, it was the best thing about hugs goodnight.

Then, when I was too young to fully understand, you weren't really my auntie Carol anymore
You were sick
You didn't have your gorgeous clothes or your amazing smell
Your big beautiful smile wasn't there anymore
& I couldn't play with your ornaments anymore because now you lived in hospital

Tomorrow is your funeral & it will be a very hard day for all those who knew you, especially Mum & the rest of your sisters but I know they will do you proud, they have you looking your best and will celebrating all you blessed them with.

Although you were sick for half my life, you will always be my Aunt Carol who came on a Sunday night and gave us hugs and kisses

I will miss you lots

Love

Kirsty  

Desert Soul

I have been captivated by Ezekiel 37 this weekend

It hasn't left my thoughts, head or heart

Because, really with out God all we are in dry bones in a desolate valley

But God because of his grace can make us whole 

so we are not mere bones in a valley 

We... Are ... More

"All that I am is dry bones
Without You Lord, a desert soul
I am broken but running
Towards You God, You make me whole"

                                             Rend Collective

David showed me this video earlier this week and I just love it 
It brings Ezekiel 37 to LIFE

Dry Bones from danDifelice on Vimeo.

Daily bread

There is nothing more restoring, refreshing or enjoyable than spending time reading the word of God.

I could spend my day taking photos, chatting with friends, listening to music or watching tv but non would fill me the same way that spending an hour or half hour in my bible.

It really is our daily bread, so why do we spend so much time starving ourselves and or snacking on junk food that only fills our appetite for shorts periods of time? I know I am often guilty of this myself but when I spend regular time reading my bible or even just in the presence of God I feel full. I question why I avoid spending time with the God who has given everything for me.

Tonight I read in Judges how Israel disobeyed God and broke the covenant he had made with them. This lead to Israel leaving God and remaining in their stubborn ways and practices. God removed his hand and left Israel and left them open to their enemies.
This may sound pretty pointless and you may even see why God removes himself from the situation but like the loving father he is God sends judges to save his people from this who wish to plunder them.

I know God is not just about Love but he is LOVE and forgiveness and faithfulness and we are only gonna know this by spending time with him and making him our daily bread

How come

How come you don't drink?

Why do you never come out clubbing?

You don't sleep with your girlfriend/boyfriend! Why?

. . . . . . Because I'm a Christian 

            WRONG!!!

These things do not make us Christians, they are simply choices we made when we came face to face with God's Grace.

Is it any wonder our non Christian friends have no idea what it is to follow God or who God is!

Ive noticed (and I'm guilty of it too) that we tell our friends the reason that we don't do stuff is because we are Christians but this is a lie. We don't do stuff because we choose too, WE Choose.

That's why we have left soo many different views of God on the world. 

We all have a personal relationships with God and because of the impact he has and continues to have on our hearts and our head we each live life differently.

For some he calls them not to drink 

For others he calls to a life of singleness

But one thing that is TRUE is that God came gave his son to the earth that is filled with sin, that he would die to save us from the righteous wrath of God but more than that he would rise, defeat death, so that we could have relationship with him!  

When it comes to following Christ, accepting God's gift of grace WE have no say. there was no choice or decision to be made. 

When you come face to face with something so beautifully intoxicating you can't say No

There is not even the option of choosing because you know that this is what life is about .

So lets be honest lets not tell people about our choices because most of the time they end up being wrong

BUT 

lets start to tell the truth that we have met a beautiful saviour who flipped everything upside down and gave us the greatest gift of all and because of this we cant help but do thing his way because our way, really, is just plain boring

Life is more than getting wasted, having sex and being cool.

Its......

Well I'm pretty sure he's show exactly what your life is all about no need for me to say another word

LIFE

So I'm driving along tonight ......

then the thought came to me that if God so willed my car could flip, crash and that could be the end of me, quite a morbid thought but an interesting one.

You see when I am driving I feel so in control, like nothing or no one or any great force could impact me because I've got the wheel I know the next couple of moves. I control where I go, what speed I go at and what time I go. 

I look around & I see all the other people in their own little cars feeling exactly the same way I do.

I see pedestrians walking along and they look so weak, like they could be broken by the slightest force but me in my car I am invincible.... or so I think.

I take a drive through town and all of my memories come flooding back to me but in my car I am alone and there are no memories its just me and my car going from place to place and it doesn't seem as exciting.

Then I drive along the coast and before I realise it I've stopped 

I see the sea and the lights reflecting of the water

its dark 

It feels a bit scary but something urges me to get out of my own little box 

and so I do 

STRAIGHT away the I feel the crisp air

the darkness around me is cold but is feeels amazing 

Fresh, Vibrant, New yet so familiar

I feel the light breeze move through my hair 

I have forgotten what it feels like to have something move me other than i myself

I hear the water and I have an urge just to go and touch it 

Then I realise that life is so much better when we get out of our boxes and FEEL

When we get out and do life with people 

When we are not in control 

We get walk, run , jump, dance, move.

We feel cold air, we get warm and feel the sun on out skin

We sing.... badly, we hug, we kiss 

WE Love 

This is LIFE IN THE FULL 

so get out of your box start walking it may make you weaker but life will be uncontrollable 

John 1:16

And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace 

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly

.

Family....

Oh my I haven't written a post in very long time but I guess that is Okies as I didn't really have anything to share

Over the last month, even the last few weeks, something has been made so clear to me. Something I was getting so wrong and I thank God that he doesn't just leave me to continue to get it wrong, instead he shows me in the most loving way that I am wrong and that this is really how it is meant to look like, act like or be like.

For the last nine months I have went to my church looking at its faults and problem and since the church is the people of God I've been looking at how we as people mess up. I’ve been looking at how my pastors lead our church, how the women of church do like a good little gossip and how the men are quite happy to sit and let the ladies lead. How maybe the teaching didn't quite fill me or how it all seemed a bit fake.(including myself)

So I started reading acts looking at what church was about, how I as a 20 something single girl can serve my church, love my church and most of all find out what church is REALLY about.

For many months I felt frustrated with church and reluctant to go. I was reading my bible and not really being able to put the pieces together, how did church look so different now than in the days of ACTs?
Even when the church in Acts fails and starts to fall apart and not function as it once did it still looked very different to the experience of church I was having.

So I continue to look at my church not with the judgemental eyes and hardened heart I had a few months before. This time I could see that everything was in place for my church to function like the church in acts except my church just had it in many different programs

We have shorts for the children in nursery to learn all about God
Which followed in to factory?
Then youth
Then core
Then women together, sates, full house, creative house
And finally for the older members of our church we had RAF (retired and free)
We also ran alpha courses, membership classes, new convert classes and even house groups
So really there is SOMETHING for EVERYONE

Despite all this I still felt hungry for more, even though I was serving in different areas and part of a house group I still wanted more from church I wanted it to be more than a list of option, more than a Sunday gig. So I carried on still unsure of what to make of my journey and still unsatisfied with church.

So its August and a lot is about to change in my life My best friends were getting married and moving to Cardiff, my house group was ending after four amazing years, my oldest friend Judith was moving to New Zealand for a Year, my good friend Sophie found out she was going to China for four months and many other friends where getting married or going back to uni
And for the first time in a very long time it was clear that things were changing and God was moving.
My core group of friends had been halved in a few weeks leaving only a few of us behind.
David my boyfriend (who is just great by the way) was very excited by this, for the new opportunities and plan that God had for us here in Bangor. I on the other hand was nervous scared and not really coping very well with the idea of having to grow up.

It was in this time that God softened my hardened heart and showed me the meaning of the church.
You see with all these people leaving church became alive again; people cared and showed their love for the people that were leaving. They prayed and offered support and this wasn’t down to the many programs this was the love and joy and peace and passion that god had given these people coming out and showing itself!

While reading acts I had forgotten what it was about ACTING OUT, showing the people round you the love and joy and kindness and mercy that God has shown you and this is church!
In Acts church was the place where people came back to after they were out on mission. They shared and built up and encouraged one another, they kept each other accountable and didn’t let people go it alone they went side by side supporting the widows and families not because they had to but because the love and mercy God had shown them was contagious they could not do it if they tried.
And when people seen this they wanted to know why and when they found out about God they wanted to know more about God.

Since this little revelation God has challenged me every time I am in church to make it personal realise that these people are my family and I not only have tell them I love them but I have to show them. So that means praying for the people beside even after they have gone up for prayer, eating together, encouraging the people around me who are serving, giving people a bit more of my time but most importantly getting intimate with God everyday because that is the only way I can show true love to these people to my church.

My God's not dead he is ALIVE so my church shall be ALIVE and that means I have to be DEAD to religion and alive for God, Alive and active in my church not Fake or pretending but real searching for truth and living each day for God, getting out of my comfort zone and into the God- zone which is never comfortable or easy but its where I would rather be.


Very excited about my FAMILY OF GOD
And I do love them very much
I pray God would continue to show me more about church and what it meant to look like
Oh and please pray for my firends mention who are continuing on their God Adventure else where int he world 

We are family joined together by the most precious & pure blood of all
no one can separate us from this love

Gossip

Once again I have found myself stuck in the dramatic and unnecessary circle of gossip
It seems that we cant just let stuff go
or talk to people anymore
we no longer search for truth
but instead we believe the what ever anyone has to say to us that is bad or deconstructive

The thing that really upsets me about Gossip is that it is so common among church.
In olden days they used to paint pictures on the walls to remind church goers about everyday sin we find ourselves in
one of those picture were of two people leaned in listening and sharing gossip with the devil rested on their shoulder.
So this is obviously not a new thing that people would gossip
but after so many years you think that someone would pass on
through the generations about the effect it has on people.
Gossip hurts people and ruins their lives by turning people against them or ending friendships
but the sad thing is most of the time it is not true.

I was searching through my bible looking to see what God has to say on this
and there are so many verses abut gossiping and its effects
God has alot to say on this
But one I love is found in proverbs 26 vs 20

When you run out of wood, the fire goes out; 
When the gossip ends, the quarrel dies down.

I love this because it describes gossip as fuel to a fire
Fires are passionate but they destroy things
friendships....
families.....
& even church!

After another week of gossip that I somehow got thrown into
I'm ready to tell people how pointless it all is
Lets not forget to pray about these things
Lets not forget to come to God with everything in prayer especially gossip
Lets not forget to love each other I mean really love each other
&
Let us not forget to worship God instead of worshipping ourselves

Because when we look at him and spend time with him alll the big important things in life instead look quite small next to the almighty God

Praise God!!

Let it Rain

 

Beautiful Bangor

I had to share some of these 

God is so incredibly Beautiful....

  

Sunset times in Bangor sooo Pretty 

Playing at the Swings

I Love Living by the Sea

Steps <3

Joel.........

OH!!
So I just read Joel and how Awesome is God!!!

Here is a little overview (but you have to read it yourself too!!)
So disaster has come,
people are sick & dying,
a nation is broken
Locusts have destroyed everything in hours
For these people God is punishing them....
disaster has come and they cant find God anywhere...
Joel in this time has to tell these people who God is and how he acts


Joel acknowledges the damage the Locusts have caused
but he calls the people to repent..."for the day of the Lord is near"vs15

He describes the Day of the Lord and
how this nation must return to the Lord

"Return to the Lord your God for he is gracious and merciful 
 slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love" (Amen to that!!)

Then (and here is the greatness of God)
"The Lord became jealous for his land
and had pity on his people"

Then the Lord come and does great things among the nation
Trees bear fruit,
the harvest is great and the people rejoice!

"You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied and praise the 
name of the Lord your God
who has dealt wondrously with you"

Then the Lord talks about how he will pour out his Spirit and of the glorious future of Judah


I Love reading the old testament and how the people of God forget time and time again the goodness and richness of God.
But I also love it because it helps me see how so often I pray and ask God for stuff and he answers and provides. Then when troubles come I forget about his faithfulness and when I think he is not listening I try and form my own silly human Plan B which has FAIL written all over it from the start.

I also love that God became Jealous, Who are we, man, that God would be mindful of us Jealous for us, would want relationship with us! Stupid and fickle humans who have nothing to offer him, yet he is jealous for us and has pity on us. Let us always thank God for his mercy!


There is so much I love about the book of Joel but one last thing I want to share is that God knew that these people needed him and so he gave them Joel, who he filled with his Spirit to go into the land and tell then about his goodness and faithfulness! God always has a way that we would know him, repent of our sin to him and rejoice with him.
He does all the work and we do Nothing  

Let us rejoice with Our God today!!

 

psalm 19

Prayer for Today

Let the words of my mouth

and 

The meditation of my heart
   be acceptable in your sight,
   O LORD,

My  Rock

and

My Redeemer.

Father of All

I have a part time job in the local shopping centre
Tonight a little girl was in shopping with her Mummy
shopping for school stuff.
She was the cute as a button and as she was picking her school bag and lunch box she kept asking her Mummy will Daddy like this?
Will Daddy think this cool?

My Dad tells me often that when I was younger he would come home from work, we would play a little then he would sit down to have his dinner. He said he used to buy these pizzas and they were so good you can't get them anymore but they tasted amazing! So amazing that Dad refused to share, even with Mum but every time he had this pizza I would come prancing over and just stand at his side and he would cave and give me a bite so I would go away and eat my little bit of pizza then as soon as I was finished I would prance over once again to see if I could sneak some more...and every time I got a bit. You see although my Dad loved this pizza he could help but share it with me every time I would come along.

This just reminded me of my relationship with God, because he is a Father! The bible describes him as one and that is the relationship we have with him. It can be hard to understand but that is why we have our own earthy Fathers so we could see how this relationship works.

I know in my walk with God I want to please him, I wanted like the little girl for him to think I am cool. I want him to look at where I am serving and bless it and approve of it.
Just like my Dad I know that I can come to him and every time he will pour out his unceasing and all powerful love over me so that I can go out and tell others, love others and come back and do it all over again.

I'm still learning what it is like to know GOD not only as the King of the heavens but in the intimate relationship as father and child. .... I'm very excited about this part of my Adventure with God

"I and the Father are one" john 10:30

Sing to the Lord

 Sing songs to God, sing out!
      Sing to our King, sing praise!
   He's Lord over earth,
      so sing your best songs to God!


Psalm47



I can't stop singing!!

Hello, How are yoou?

 If only there were someone to mediate between us,
   someone to bring us together,  

someone to remove God’s rod from me,
   so that his terror would frighten me no more.

Job 9:33-34

I had a tea date today with the lovely Leah Glover and we were discussing the book of Job. So often it is written off as quite a dark book but there is so much glorious truth in there. So I decided to have a wee read and I came across Job9.

I've never really thought about my sin in its fullness, never have I thought I would be an enemy of God but in my persistent sinful state I have am the reason for the wrath of God. Because of my sinfulness I can not be in the presence of a Holy God. Instead I am guilty and totally deserving of his wrath.

When we fully understand what we deserve, which is Nothing more than the wrath of God we can no longer stand proud and tall instead we should be filled with fear and trembling knowing that even death would be a lighter punishment.

You see Job knows that who God is, is better than any earthly thing he could every want and need while also realising that he is totally sinful, and totally not in reach of the gloriously life that God offers. So he pleads for a mediator someone that could connect him to God together. Someone that could pay the debt of his sin because he will always be in debt to God for his sin is constant.

God in his mercy and grace provides a way, he sends a mediator in the form of a man, a man so unique that only he could pay the debt of sin. But this was no ordinary man this was the son of God, no sacrifice would cover the sin of the world greater than the blood of the son of the almighty.

Thank God that he sent a mediator in Jesus, that he heard the prayer of Job and that he is a gracious God

So when people ask how I am?
I will say Better than I deserve

Much Love

Ignoring Grace

I have just started reading “Living the Cross centred life” by C.J Mahaney. As I read the first few chapters I couldn’t take my mind off one of the points made In the Introduction

What is my life centred on or around?

 My Church? My Friends? My Relationship 

I knew that if I were to say Jesus It would be a lie

As I read on it talked about the possible reasons why we feel living a Cross centred life is so hard or not Important.

But out of all the points there was one that stood out:

“Being focused on our sin rather than on God’s grace”

I do this! I focus on myself all the time. I know I am a wretched sinner but do I believe God’s Grace Is bigger, stronger and more powerful than my sin? 

If I believed this I would not count my sin, I would not look at it as such a barrier to God. If I fully understood God’s Grace I would see that his love is not conditional not based on what I say or do and in some cases what I don’t say or do. 

Instead I would look at God’s grace as the beautiful gift that it is. I would learn that love was never meant to be conditional, life with God is not bound by my sin but because of my sin I can fully comprehend the enormity of this gift.

Instead of looking at my sin, instead of making it greater than God’s grace, I thank God my eyes have been opened that his grace bought with the precious blood of his son. Who is the centre of life and will continue to be the centre of my life.

In the words of John Scott

The cross is the blazing fire at which the flame of our love is kindled, but we have to get near enough for it sparks to fall on us

What a God we have!

What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now!

1 Peter 1: 3&4

Waiting Room

I had such a strange experience today.

My mum had an appointment at the hospital, just a little check up nothing serious.

As I sat in the waiting room, I couldn’t help but look around, everyone was so on edge  waiting on results and comforting their sick loved ones. For some the results where not good and their hard northern Irish front couldn’t hold it in and they just fell apart.

In the corner of the room there was this lady, she seemed so at peace. The longer I waited the more I seen her move round the room from couple to couple she chatted, made them laugh and made them feel more at ease. Nurses would come in and out and every time they would say hello to her and asking how had she been. They seemed to know her more than any other person in the waiting room. The closer she came to me I could see that she was not just there to comfort a loved one but she was a patient. I recognised those fake hairpieces, her lack of eyebrows and eyelashes. 

I couldn’t take my eyes off her and could help but listen to what she was saying. The closer she came, the more I was drawn to her, then I recognised what she was saying. The lady sick with cancer was spending her day telling people in that hospital waiting room about her saviour. When I started to put it together in my head, it occurred to me that this was not a one off this little lady came here often, often enough that the nurses knew her by name.

She worked her way around the room telling people about her wonderful father and her glorious saviour, she prayed with them and she loved them, she served them getting them tea, tissues and even bringing a chocolate cake.

I felt so encouraged and also guilty. This lady who was sick, was going through treatment herself, but she was in the waiting room of the cancer ward looking after people, telling them the truth and the greatest love story she knew.

It made me think of all opportunities I have had to share my faith, to love people and to serve people, but I don’t I sit back and wait for others to pick up the slack. 

So encouraged by this little lady today

Lord please increase my faith

Make me Bold and Strong

Much love

I Will Wait

I always find myself so out of time.

Always too busy with other things

Always managing to meet with other people

But so easily forgetting the most important part of who I am

I can spend two hours easy taking the time to get ready

Enough makeup to cover up what’s really going on.

Put on my Christian face and clothes

So that no one will question my motives

Ready to go out and play the Christian card

When I haven’t even spoke to my Christ

Saying what feels Right

Doing what looks good

When inside I am hurting

How I want to know you intimately

How I want to understand your ways

How I NEED to know your love.

But it’s just too much to ask that I would seek you every day.

Do you not know I’m busy?

With my plans, my time, my life

Your way and mine is that so crazy?

But now the speed of life has slowed down

I just don’t understand

There is no one here

Expect you holding my hand

It’s you and only you who is standing around

Because only you saved me from myself

I can see that everything else is dead

And it’s only you giving me life

So now I understand

Now I finally see

How could I be so stupid?

How could I not want to be so gloriously free?

So I will wait for you

Daily I will seek

For you alone can rescue

You alone can save

So I will wait here at the cross

I will wait here at the cross

I will wait here at the cross

Unending Love

For I do not understand my own actions.

For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.

So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.

For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.

For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.

Romans 7 -15-19

I Find myself in Paul’s position so often

I want to do good But I end up doing bad

I want to serve God with ALL I have

But I end up giving him what is left at the end of the day.

I want to serve with a pure heart but my mind wonders.

I feel recently God has been holding a up a looking glass and letting me watch myself as I go about my daily routine. How I start with Good intentions but I let me sinful self lead the way.  How the devil shows me my idea of love and how it actually hurts people. I am so easily lead by my sinful nature and the devil loves it. he give me a thought (never a loving encouraging thought) and as soon I think it he turns to me and says

 “HEY! Your meant to be a Christian you Can’t think that”

“You’re so sinful how could God love YOOU” –

this statement is true I am so sinful

but

God is there too and he is shouting in the hope I will just stop and listen to him

"Because of my Son, You are covered your sin is Gone! I love yoou!"

(Which is just Amazing)

A Good friend of mine posted on her blog recently about God’s love and our sin and it has encouraged me so much. She says that if we view our relationship with God like a set of weighing scales, on one side we have our sin, on the other side we have God’s Love.

Now in our humanness we sin daily millions of times, whether it be with our actions thoughts or words. We also have our original sin, the sin that cut us off from God at the beginning with Adam and Eve . So on the sin side of the scale there is a lot of weight. So God comes along and places his weight on the scale and there is no comparison his is so much heavier. So even though we continue sinning but his love never change. It never moves it always heavier bigger and stronger than our sin.

Thankyou Lord for your Never Changing Love

Does Anybody Know You're a Christian....?

I have been thinking about this topic for a couple of days

It has become too easy for us to hide that Christ is our own and personal savior

We hide behind our Christian quotes and catchy phrases

We hide behind our Church programs and Worship songs But do people outside of church know that we are children of God, do they see God in us…

Not by what we say but by what we do!

This poem has challenged me a lot today, It’s by a group of Christians in America who share the gospel in poetry.. Its pretty awesome

Does anybody even know that you're a Christian... ?

Does anybody even know that you're a Christian?

When you go to your school and your job can anybody tell by your actions that you believe in God? Or can they not tell the difference between what you believe and how you act?

Because you're always at the club with a drink or talking about somebody else behind their back and then when they finally figure out you're a Christian they're talking behind yours

and you wonder why when people look at you, they can't even respect the fact that you're a Christian anymore...

You may be the only example they have. And if they can't tell the difference between your walk, and their walk, then they're not gonna follow God's Path. Does ANYBODY, even know that you're a Christian?

Do people even know that the God in you is there? When somebody who doesn't believe in God loses somebody their family, do they even think to go to you in prayer, because they don't know where else to go?

And if not, then since when did Christ become you're own personal secret for no one else to know?

Are you serious???

Jesus Christ didn't get stretched out on the cross for no testimony to be mysterious because, solid testimonies have never saved souls?

Yet our testimonies lay low, and we wondering why the world is raising hell?

Alot of Christians are too worried about other people's opinions, and too busy try to save ourselves.

I don't know what's worse. Nobody knowing I'm a Christian, or the only people knowing that I'm a Christian are the people in my church

Does anybody know that you are a Christian?

Are you letting his life shine through?

And if not, then how many times will you continue to deny Jesus, before he DENIES YOU!

K. Turner

Find out more

www.p4cm.com



Have a little watch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnB02zrhcXk&feature=player_profilepage